10 things

My mom and I talk about everything and lately, I’ve become way more picky in regards to the male gender. So as I was talking to her this morning,  I got the idea to write 10 things I want in a MAN. Not a boy, a MAN. God is in control of everything. I have faith he’ll bring the right people into my life when the time is right. Until then, I’m making a list and I’m checking it twice.

1. The guy I meet HAS to be Christian. And not just a “Yeah, I pray on Christmas” type Christian. Someone who has just as much faith than I do in God. I want a man who isn’t afraid to wake up at 9 AM to go to church and learn more about God.

2. If my family does not approve of you, you are gone! My family is on a completely different level than you are. My family comes first. If you’re rude, arrogant, or can’t even say please or thank you, yeah… this aint gonna work. Goodbye.

3. I am a very stubborn girl. It irritates me how stubborn I am at times. It is a part of me though and any man who isn’t a jerk about it, but says “Hey Sam, chill. I’ll take care of it”, he’s a winner in my book. I like it when a man (excluding ex boyfriends, they had that chance) tell me to chill. I want the man to wear the pants and call the shots. I have only had one man that I dated say “Sam, stop. You’re being dramatic” and even though it didn’t work out, I have more respect for him than any other ex boyfriend of mine because he did so. So wear the pants and I’ll just sit back for the ride.

4. I get bored easily. If we’re just doing the same old stuff, different day nonsense, I will get bored. I like to change things up a bit. I’m a very laid back girl in regards to dates. I’ll do anything, except pet snakes. Snakes are nasty! Eww. I will jump in a river, I’ll go hiking. I like anything outside. The more we sit and do the same thing everyday, the more I think “Man, I wish we were doing this or this”. I do though like to sit and watch a movie every now and then when it’s rainy or cold outside.

5. I want someone who has their own life together. I mean, no one’s perfect. He doesn’t need to be a lawyer or doctor. Just as long as he has his own life together. Like he’s in school or he has a job and doesn’t live with mommy and daddy. Pays his own bills and ect. He doesn’t need to have a masters degree, just a life he’s a peace with in a adult form.

6. Hey, if you like sports; let’s be friends! I can sit and have the time of my life watching sports. I love them almost as much as I love instant mac and cheese. A guy who isn’t into sports is boring to me. I like a guy who can scream and get just as into the games as I do. I find that facinating.

7. I’m more of the “I dig preppy boys” girl. I like a guy who is clean cut, laid back style. Not all emo-ish and doesn’t take care of himself. I’m sorry, I think guys who don’t shower or take care of themselves are so icky. It’s not even funny.

8. Creativity is a amazing ability to have in everyone. I love being around people I can inspire with their art and they can inspire me with my photography. I get inspired in the smallest way. So someone who can cheer me on and  inspire me is going to make me the happiest girl.

9. If you can make me laugh, you’re golden. Laughter makes my whole day worth wild.

10. And finally, I want someone to know that I’m not perfect. I’ve made mistakes in my life and I’ve faced the consequences. I feel I’ve learned more about life in the past eighteen years than I ever thought I’d imagine. God has blessed me with situations in which I know who I am through. I’m silly, loud, sarcastic at times, a listener, stubborn, outspoken, and lively. I don’t believe anyone is perfect. However; God thinks I’m special and if someone can see what God sees in me and what I see in him, than I think I’ve found my top ten man.

I’m not writing this in hopes some man will sweep me off my feet. I don’t think I’ve ever processed to myself though all I’ve wanted in someone. I’ve dated too many guys to not sit and think “what do I want? What does Samantha want in a person?”.  Butterflies only fly for so long and I want someone who can make them fly everytime he walks into a room. I have more faith in God than ever that his plan will far exceed mine anyday.


You want a post about you.. You got it.

Congrats champ, you have your own post. Here’s what you’ve taught me through it all…

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to  kick you when you’re down will be the
ones to help you get back up. Like others I know. I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types  of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.  I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others, Sometimes you have to learn to forgive  yourself. I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.  I’ve learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.  I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

Relationships are like glass..

I cannot do this anymore. I cannot have you in my life anymore. You’ve lied, manipulated, and gone out of your way to make it known that you are not leaving. It scares me because it feels like if I do something or I start dating someone else, you’ll pop right in and it’ll be some crap that ruins everything for me. So I cannot have you in my life. I cannot take liar back into it cause you’ll do it again. So I’m done. I want you to go… for good.

“People change so you can learn to let go”

This post may have a bit of a sad tone to it. I’m sorry to anyone who is reading this. Life is somehow one of those things where everything changes so gosh darn quick, it’s hard to keep up with. Life has some what hurt a tad bit more due to this part of life we call “growing up”. I never had a real best friend growing up as a child. Boys or toys got in the way of alot of things. Hence why I keep to myself at home alot. I just don’t have the energy, nor the heart to just take it and move on. I’m a thinker. I sit and ponder about either the things I could have done wrong or something really stupid I did wrong (which probably had nothing to so with it). Somethings you just don’t grow out of. I’m sitting here at 11:07 thinking “what did I do?”.

I met this friend late last year. We never really talked a whole lot, just some. We ended up growing closer together and I told her everything. Somethings I never trusted with others. She eventually got a new opportunity in another state for her rising career. While I was busy at home with my then boyfriend, she was becoming a big girl. I missed her probably more than I missed my boyfriend at times. She changed in some way though. I came to peace with the thought that she had moved, so she was going to change. That’s just how things roll sometimes. She did come back and when it was just us again, it felt like “you were gone..really?” feeling. Eventually, she did move in with some girls. Now, a month later, it’s like that lonesome, empty feeling. Never a call, never a text. It’s that feeling you get where you want to change or fix something with someone, but you can only extend your hand so much before it goes numb. I’ve tried lately to be positive. I’ve thought of hundreds of reasons why of all times she wants spend and miss everyone but someone who hasn’t lie, stabbed, and twisted her around.
I’m sorry if I did anything. I’m sorry if I said something, did something, or if I just wasn’t the girl you wanted to hang around. I’m here if the people around you hurt you. I hope you achieve everything in life that you want and then some.

California Dreamin’

Well, I am not on recovery mode from my vacation from California. Who knew sitting on a plane could be more exhausting than walking a whole theme park? Anyways,  this trip had everything you could want.

 A full day shopping in Los Angelas and spending an evening at the beach is the greatest way to begin a trip. We’ve always gone to the beach, but this time was different for some reason. Before I left, I made the choice to leave all the crap that happened at home behind. All the drama, all the immaturity. It was all going into the ocean so I didn’t have to deal with it again. I’d come home with a clean slate and a new look on how things were going to change. While I stood on the coast, it was almost like God took all the sadness, anger, exhaustion out of me and placed a peace in me.

 Of course, we had to bare with California traffic. And if you’re from L.A, please just stay in your lane! You guys just make it more stressful for yourself by swerving around like bees. My lanta! Once we got to Anaheim though, everything was allll good 🙂 All the days we spent at Disneyland were amazingly fun, but the 3rd day ended up being the best day. We did stuff we had never done before. Any ride we had never done, was done. Grizzly River Run was that one ride I always wanted to do, but I was never willing to get wet. Well with the help of a good pancho and sitting in the center of the raft helped keep me dry 😉

 My sister and I then made our way to the Silly Symphony Swings. It was the one ride she and I wanted to go on together so we made our way up and BAM! Like a ten foot brick wall, I met probably THE most georgous guy I have ever laid eyes on. My heart raced 20x faster and I think I tried to get “hello” out and got a “haaaa” out. Yeah, moron material right here. Gracie was determined to help me out and be my little wing woman. I walked out finally saying my name… 6 rides later. I got his and I walked out kicking myself not saying anything else. 3 days later, I STILL kick myself. God has a plan though. I did make a few friends. If you ever want a good laugh or meet some great guys to laugh with, go to the Roxy store in Downtown Disney. Those guys made my whole day just by talking about surfing, football, and Idaho.

 All in all, I’ve come home a new person. Even though I can’t stand certain things about California, I’ve named Anaheim my second home. Every memory I will never forget has come from this past week. Thank you, California ❤

“Character is much easier kept than recovered.” – Thomas Paine

Someone asked me “why would you post an online journal for everyone to see?”. I’m making one to say “Why the heck not?”. I feel it’s the best way to tell my story. I don’t want others telling it. I want to tell my story. My new story.

 My new story begins with two situations that have made me a stronger person. The first situations beings with someone close to me. This person was my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, and my confidant. I hurt him and he hurt me. So I suppose we’re even. When it came to it, I hurt him because he just wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was. He wasn’t. BIG difference. I prayed for a few days and God spoke to me one morning and said “It’s time to let go, Samantha”. I finally let go. Eventually, the talk of my decision only esculaded to cheap talk from others. Talk of “Take a big gun and blow whatever made you said” (Yes, in referance to me) and “And her mom liked that.. harsh”. As if the wound didn’t sting enough, this person I thought was my best friend never said anything. Never a “Leave her alone”, never a “Be nice”, never. It was like adding koesher salt to a deep, infected wound. I turned to God to help me with my anger and sadness. And if I learned anything, God has given me this gift of being sad for maybe an hour and I bounce right back. I have this ability to be optimistic and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I forgave him and I wish “him” all the best in life. If later on in life we continue to grow with God and as adults, I’d love to restore a simple friendship.

 I also learned that I like to do what’s right. Whether it’s apologizing for what I have truly done wrong (not just ‘what someone think I did’) or standing up for what’s going on. My second situation involves a friend. This friend and I have been through our ups and downs in life. We always fixed our differences. One day, this friend met a guy. I had this off feeling about him and I honestly never liked him. I loved her though to set my opinions asside and support her. Eventually, the relationship fell apart. I stood by her side and eventually, the guy got involved (heavily) with another girl shortly after. College apporached and they reconnected. They talked alot and such, but swore to never tell this guy’s “lady”. I felt like a colprate to the crime. I tried many times to convince my friend that this was wrong and she needed to quit or be honest with this guy’s girl. As a Christian girl, I hoped she had chosen better. Eventually I said “Look, they’re friends. I just wanted you to know”.  To some, yes, it wasn’t my place. From being in that position myself though, I would want someone to be honest with me. It ended up being a waste of my time. The guy’s girl was delosional, the guy told my friend to lie even more, and the friend and I are on non-speaking terms. God opened my eyes to a whole new outlook on my life, my relationship, and myself. I want to have integrity. To some, I have a very strong personality. That’s okay with me. That’s me. No one said you had to be my friend. I want people in my life who want to do what is right. Not what they think is the best way to cover someone’s butt. God forgives if you know what you need to be forgiven for. Ephesians 4:25 ” Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” I know this post won’t change anything. I know where I stand on life issues though now and I hope that my view on it won’t change. I’m confortable where I’m at.

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